Height: Six feet
Weight/Build: Cyrus has the build of a middleweight boxer. His arms are long and muscular, attached to stocky shoulders. His body is of average build. This is only with a shirt on. Underneath his clothes, it is sloped inward like a pyramid, having solid abdominal muscles and a strong pectoral region. His legs are long, strong, and despite their appearance, very fast and flexible.
Skin Color: Cyrus has tanned olive skin from his years abroad. He spends much of his time outside, maintaining his dark complexion.
Facial Features: His face is shaped like a shield with swords poking out from behind it. The shield would be his head, one of the sword points would be his chin jutting out a little, and the other two blade handles would be his ears. His lower face is covered by a thick, sandy mess of beard stubble. He shaves often to keep the beard off.
Largely thanks to his age, Cyrus’s face has become slightly lined, if not wrinkled to a degree. There are only snippets of this showing in his face, and he does not mind that age is setting in.
Cyrus’s lips are of medium size. His nose is also small.
Eyes: Cyrus has eyes that are colored a rich caramel brown. They are usually quite friendly. If given reason, the expression can become utterly terrifying. This is only if need be.
Hair: His hair is kept in a buzzcut for practical reasons. It’s colored a dark coal black.
Attire: He’ll usually be seen wearing a blue or green track suit, or a black hoodie with a pair of jeans. He wears casual clothes in most any situation.
Personality: Cyrus is a kindly soul, and enjoys helping people out in all matters. Despite what you may think about him being a former Mossad agent, he loves to have fun with other people. True, he has seen and done some ugly things, but he believes that the past shouldn’t define a person. He doesn’t mind looking over his shoulder! There are things he can’t tell you, of course. He’ll just change the subject if he’s brought to something taboo.
Cyrus has a rather interesting relationship with his wife, Naomi. The two of them go through daily training sessions on their patch of land together, and they both spar full contact on a day to day basis. Cyrus has lost his share of matches to Naomi, as has she to him. Amazingly, despite how viciously they train with each other, it seems to bring them closer to each other rather than driving them apart.
He’s open to visitors at his home, as is Naomi. You just have to be sure to catch them at the right time. You should check out the signs in the forest that let you know when their training sessions are so that you don’t interrupt them. If you meet them when they’re in the right mood, they might teach you something in addition to a meal and hospitality.
(Serving Your Country)
Cyrus was born and raised is Israel for most of his life. As was required, when he reached the appropriate age, he served in the IDF. He was an exceptional soldier. After he was honorably discharged, he joined Mossad and served as an interrogator for several years. He eventually broke away from Mossad, settling down to marry his longtime lover, Naomi Jager, who had remained in the IDF and became an instructor for the army.
After Naomi had also left the special forces, the two of them, now in their early middle ages, left the eastern world, moving to America to live in peace. They found a modest cabin in the forest where they could practice with each other without harming anyone, making it both a base and a house.
-Cyrus enjoys fishing in the lake nearby. Of course, he tends to only eat market bought fish, provided it is kosher.
-Yes, Cyrus does celebrate Hanukkah with his wife.
-Cyrus enjoys collecting blades of all sorts. Knives, swords, you name it and he’ll probably have it.
-In addition to having mastered Krav Maga, Cyrus is also an expert in Pencak Silat, Jing Quan Dao, and Chin Na, as is Naomi.
-He likes to hunt when the season permits it. This is only for sport.
-He likes to play card board games during his downtime.
-Cyrus loves to dance to most any kind of music. Did you think jews didn’t have rhythm?
It's high time that we had some badass jewish characters. I'd say Cyrus and his wife meet these standards nicely. Perhaps you will encounter them one day? We'll just have to see.
"His legs are long, strong, and despite their appearance, very fast and flexible."
Exactly what appearance do they have? Because with that description, I would expect them to be fast. Now if you'd described them as bulky, muscle-bound or lanky, I might not think them to be fast.
"Cyrus has tanned olive skin from his years abroad"
Tanned is good, but olive skin can't be acquired from traveling. It's cultural rather than geographical. If he has olive skin because of his heritage, I would note that.
Facial Features: Is his chin askew on his face? To be a sword point, it would have to be asymmetrical, and the product of a nasty injury (I'd think at least, unless it's a birth defect). From the description, he has an awfully small face for it bearing a resemblance to a shield and crossed swords.
Facial Hair and Hair: The facial hair is a "sandy mess" and his hair is a "dark coal black." I've never met a person with a blonde beard and black hair. I would suggest correcting this.
"the two of them, now in their early middle ages" I would suggest being more specific here. Depending on who you're talking to, "middle ages" can vary. Some might say 40s, others 50s. Depending on your storyline for the character, age might need to be more specific. A person in their mid to late 50s isn't going to be able to move about the same as a person in their late 30s.
Overall, I think you've got a pretty well rounded character. From the description here, I'd say he's an interesting enough character to want to know more about him. He's sympathetic but also has the mystery factor working. You've done a good job creating him. The only addition I would make is to explain his flaws a bit more. What would happen if you happened upon their cabin at the wrong time? Does he have a short temper?
As with your profile of Cyrus’ wife Naomi, you are very adept at description. The images you create are just as good as in Naomi’s profile. I especially like how you compare his face to ‘a shield with swords poking out from behind it’.
There is a slight issue with one sentence: ‘He spends much of his time outside, maintaining his dark complexion.’ It is possible that readers may misinterpret this to mean that Cyrus spends a lot of time outside for the purpose of keeping his complexion dark. I am assuming that you mean tht Cyrus chooses/has to be outside a lot, and his complexion is therefore dark. It this is the case, you may consider rewording to make it clearer.
You have taken care to ensure that the character, and the character’s family, are true to life in the context of their nationality and beliefs. I do not belong to either nationality or belief system, but as far as I can tell from what I do know, your portrayal is accurate.
I especially want to mention the topic of Cyrus' past life. It can take guts to write the truth about a character you have created: to portray them without toning down anything unpleasant so that people will like them. I try to stay away from that, and really love it when other authors are able to do the same. Of course, this might not even be an issue for you, but for a few authors out there, I know it really is. So, I am impressed that you have been able to stick with Cyrus’ vocation and past life without toning anything down or changing it.
I would give your vision 5/5 stars because, as with Naomi, you have a beautifully detailed, personal vision. Also like with Naomi, I would give 5/5 stars for originality, because you have taken a character which has already existed in some form, and made him uniquely your creation. I would give your technique for this one 4.5 out of 5 stars. Again, like in Naomi’s piece, it is really great, but that one sentence is confusing enough for it to be an issue. Like Naomi’s profile, this piece had a great impact on me, which I would rate 5/5 stars.
Thanks for sharing! Kee up the great work!
I'll be sure to fix that sentence later. Thank you for pointing it out to me.
Regarding Cyrus as a character, he and Naomi are both part of this concept: Characters who are defined by deed and personality, not by their pasts. They have both faced hardship and made sacrifices. They don't let their pasts get to them, especially Cyrus. I mean, being an interrogator for Mossad? Anyone can only fathom what that involves. What truly makes him a likable character is that he's maintained his humanity, both with Naomi and outsiders. I could make him like Frank Castle, a battle hardened warrior, but why create another stone cold killer? We have too many of those. Why not some good guys who just like a good time?
Thank you for your comment. I always give my audience a good show.